Who Is Privileged: Part 2 (Gender Edition)

In the wake of the killing spree at UCSB, which was perpetrated by a young man who wanted "retribution" for all the girls who refused to date him and have sex with him, there have been numerous conversations about misogyny, fueled by the #yesallwomen trend on Twitter. There has, of course, also been the predictable backlash from the usual chorus of men who try to derail every discussion about the problems women face. What lies at the heart of these men's protests is a fundamental misunderstanding of what sexism, oppression, and privilege really are all about. In my last post I addressed some of these misconceptions, with a particular focus on race and class. Given the things I have heard some men say in the last day or two, I ought to give some attention to gender as well.

To start off, let me acknowledge the fact that, yes, there are aspects of being a man that are undesirable. Ask Jane Feminist and she might tell you that she is glad she can smile and wave at strangers' children without being perceived as a pedophile. She is glad that she looks less inherently suspicious to police or other authorities. She is glad she doesn't have to engage in idiotic displays of masculine bravado (which usually amount to dangerous dares), nor hide her admittedly irrational fear of spiders, if she doesn't want to. She is glad she has never felt compelled to spend lots of money buying things for her dates.

So men have it bad too, and that means feminists are wrong about all that male privilege stuff. ...right? Well, no. I explained in my last post how rough times and bad experiences don't equate to systemic inequality. This is true even when those bad experiences directly relate to one's membership in a specific demographic category. Privilege and oppression come into play only when that category is deemed inferior to or somehow "less than" the other. Furthermore, hierarchy of this sort always has its basis in institutionalized inequality.

If the hardships of being a man are on par with those of being a woman (and therefore a thing called "sexism" doesn't really exist) then why is it that Jane Feminist knew from the time she was a small child that there was something inferior about being a girl? Why did her brother and the neighbor boys with whom she played always place limits on what things she was "allowed" to participate in? Why were girls praised for doing things like boys, while boys were derogated by being compared to girls? Why did Jane feel, until she reached college, like she had to embrace the disadvantages of masculinity anyway (namely, hiding her emotions, acting tough, displaying physical strength) in order to prove that she really wasn't that inferior human being they thought she was? Why did she feel, even through the duration of college, that she always had to prove that she really was intelligent, and didn't get confused by math problems?

In creating a gendered hierarchy we have constructed the male-female divide in a way that is damaging to those at the bottom as well as the top of the hierarchy. Men feel pressure to be athletic, to be successful (in order to provide for a family), to place themselves in danger in times of crisis, and to hide all vulnerability, weaknesses, and emotions. Furthermore, in simultaneously constructing masculinity as inherently violent and aggressive, we urge men to act counter to our general sense of morality in order to "prove themselves." The result is that we cultivate a type of pathological consciousness that is responsible for such societal problems as rape and killing sprees. This is not good. But the reason why men are encouraged to be strong and successful and violent and hide vulnerabilities is because these are the things that required to maintain power in society. These are the things that are needed to uphold one's place at the top of the hierarchy. Therefore, we cannot deny that this hierarchy exists - e.g. that men are held ideologically and institutionally in a position of dominance over women - but we can also recognize that the "bad male experiences" are a form of blowback, which inevitably results from the exercise of power. It is possible to acknowledge that hierarchy exists, while also recognizing that dismantling the hierarchy may have positive consequences for oppressor and oppressed.

There is more to this, though. Men in higher social classes enjoy more freedom from traditional gender stereotypes. A wealthy man may express his enjoyment of the arts, and fail to express interest in beer and sports, more freely than a working-class man. There is a well-documented interplay of class and gender. Working class cultures of any race have been marked by hyper-masculinity (think about hard rock, metal, hip hop, etc.) - as well as, it should be mentioned, an intensification of sexist tropes. It is true that the genres I parenthetically referenced are diverse, and it is actually the specimens that are processed by the corporate world and thrown into the mainstream that most exemplify the hyper-masculinity and sexism. This indicates that the relationship between class and gender is in some degree shaped by corporate interests. There is another, complementary argument to be made that people who are subjugated on the basis of their race and/or class might cling on to the one form of power (masculinity) that is available to them, however superficially. Either way, it is clear that the men who are most burdened by the negative consequences of masculine stereotypes are those who are marginalized on a race or class basis.

It should also be mentioned that, even in cases where the pressures are shared by men and women, there is still an inherent inequality. For example, both men and women are held to pretty narrow and unreasonable standards of how their bodies should look. Yet, there is still an idea, popularized in movies and tv shows, that even when men fail to meet those standards, ultimately they can still "get the girl" as long as they are a decent person (notice all the tv and movie couples where the woman is far more attractive than the man... and in my experience this holds in real life). On the other hand, the cinematic cliché for women is the awkward, nerdy girl who gets a makeover and then is able to get the guy (also, she just happened to have the perfect body from the beginning). We do hold women more strongly to our unreasonable standards than men, and the end result is the high incidence of eating disorders among young women.

Here's another example that relates more directly the UCSB killings. Both men and women experience rejection; they both get their hearts broken. When Jane Feminist is rejected, she kind of wonders why he wasn't interested, kind of tries to convince herself that it wouldn't have worked out anyway, but mostly spends her energy trying to "get over" him. She recognizes that she has not had a lot of successful relationships, and blames it on the fact that she has some emotional issues she needs to deal with. She notices, though, that she often hears men blame women for their lackluster dating record."Girls never go for the nice guys! Those sluts always pick the jerkiest guys and not me! Wahhh!" (And somehow, Jane notices, those self-proclaimed "nice guys" are always the creepiest of all.) Jane is also bothered by the frequency with which men don't take the "hint" (or, the blatant, direct message) and keep persisting, even, sometimes, to the point of stalking or harassing. They are no doubt harboring some false hope provided by all those romantic comedy films where the guy just keeps asking the girl out, and finally she caves in and they fall happily in love. Jane wonders, "Why can't they just accept the fact that we're not interested when we say we're not interested?"

The point is not some sort of contest of Who Has It The Worst. We should all be sympathetic to the things that men have to deal with. The point is that, if we want to make things better for men, it just so happens that our task is the same as if we want to make things better for women: eradicate patriarchy and sexism.

We will all be better off for it.

Is Oppression Fun?

I recently had a conversation with a man who explained gender studies to me thusly: “It’s a bunch of white, middle class women who have it really good, they’ve got nothing but privilege, but they want to feel like they’re oppressed too. They don’t want to be left out of that game!” Of course this sentiment has been applied, in one form or another, to pretty much every form of oppression. The basic premise is that there is something exciting or rewarding about being oppressed – so much so that everyone wants to be oppressed! It’s treated as a badge of honor. What ultimately lies behind this attitude, I believe, is discomfort with any challenge to white, male privilege.

Now, one must allow for the fact that white, middle-class feminists have all too often been blind to their own privilege. That is true. And they have often defended their race and class privilege at the direct expense of working class white women, immigrants, and women of color. However, oppression is complex, particularly in its intersectionalities. Historically, white, middle class women have enjoyed many things – especially wealth and better working (or non-working) conditions; yet during the first waves of feminism they still were not able to vote, express their opinions publicly, receive professional designations, choose when to have sex, or make high-level household decisions. Women of any race or class have been viewed as less intelligent, rational, and strong. Even today, one cannot deny the existence of pay disparities, rape and other forms of assault, rampant eating disorders, unequal treatment in the health care system, disproportionate responsibility for childcare, sexualization/objectification, false beliefs about women’s analytical capabilities, the “big strong man” motif, etc. etc.

There is, however, another variation on the “everyone wants to oppressed” routine that I frequently encounter. This one does find white hetero men trying to inhabit the role of the oppressed. Not, though, because real oppression is actually desirable to them. To the contrary, this attitude is a response to perceived challenges to their privilege – privilege that they are terrified of losing. This claim of oppression is rather a strategic means of trying to defend their privilege – without looking too overtly like they are defending their privilege. Too bad for them, though, it is very clear what they are doing.

The reason why the “while male oppression” claim should not be taken seriously - if one has any doubt that it is a sham – is the inability of these men to articulate any social/political/economic foundation for their oppression. This claim is not embedded within any structural analysis that examines the way in which “being male” inherently places one at the wrong end of relations of exploitation and domination. It is impossible to find any structural basis for male oppression. In the U.S., for example, white, middle/upper-class men are over-represented in government, in business, and in science and engineering. They make more money than anyone else (even when one removes the class dimension) and have greater educational advantages. They are not hit as hard by unemployment, wage stagnation, urban decay, and cuts in social spending. White men are grossly under-represented in prison, and less likely to have to resort to low-wage service jobs.

It is true that white men are afraid that college and employers only look for women and people of color. However, the facts prove otherwise. This unfounded fear is born, in part, out of the general competitiveness of capitalist society and the instability of current times (college admissions are more competitive as more people pursue higher education; and having a degree does not guarantee anyone a job). Despite the fact that they are often spared the full force of this competition and instability, white men feel the need to place blame on others who are far more helpless (rather than the system itself).

And then there is oppression at the micro-level. Even white, middle class women have to deal with daily impediments to their agency: when, for example, they are never able to decide who opens the door or who goes in first; when assumptions are made about their rationality; when “emotional” dimensions of their behavior are highlighted; when they are presumed to be weak and helpless in all situations (unable to open doors and lift boxes, e.g.); when their assertiveness is construed as “bitchyness” and their silence as ignorance. This may not seem significant enough to some people to qualify as real oppression (remember that this micro level is in addition to everything else addressed above); yet, one should realize the full effects: everyday women are subtly made to feel weak and helpless; they struggle to present themselves as rational decision-makers who are not at the mercy of their emotions; and they are constantly marked as “special” human beings whose fragile existence must be carefully protected. A woman can never be “just” a professional or “just” a manager or “just” an athlete or “just” a politician or “just” a scientist.

White men, on the other hand, feel that they own public space. They never hesitate to make their voices heard and to assert their agency. The other day I was on a bus, and a couple of the passengers started to rudely (and loudly) command the bus driver how to make a difficult turn. “Frat boys,” I thought. Sure enough, when I turned around I saw college aged (ish) white guys. From my own experience, when someone is being a bit too loud or a bit too pushy, more often than not it is a young, white, straight, middle/upper class male. And is it any coincidence that the people who take out their emotional frustrations via mass public shootings - the prime example of claiming ownership over public space - are almost entirely all white men? All too often, though, white men do not perceive (or perhaps, more accurately, will not admit?) that they have this freedom and sense of entitlement. Instead, they nurse their resentment over the fact that they can’t continue to behave in ways that subtly make other people feel inferior or helpless, without potentially (though I would challenge far too infrequently) being called out on it. They are horrified – horrified! – at the suggestion that they give some thought to their speech and actions, and perhaps even listen to the perspectives of others.

The usual resort to “preserving traditions” is a clumsy way of defending white, male privilege. The misguided fears about women and people of color dominating academia and employment are an expression of white, male feelings of entitlement to the upper tiers of society. And the frustration with “politically correct” language and non-traditional theories (feminism, post-colonialism, critical race theory, etc.) is born out of the desire to preserve the patriarchal/bourgeois/racist ideology that places white men at the apex of civilization and progress.

Being oppressed is in no way enjoyable, and white men know it. That’s why they’re doing everything they can to maintain their dominance.

*Disclaimer: obviously, when I say “white men” or any variation thereof, I am not stereotyping or condemning ALL white men. I am referring specifically to those people who make the types of arguments that I am addressing here – those that try to embody the archetype of the White Man as a means of dominating or placing themselves above others. The people who are too concerned with preserving traditions to actually listen to the things other people have to say.